flutter-byes

So tomorrow I leave on a trip of a lifetime. And in return, I leave my life behind, for a time.

My suitcases are packed, bulging at the seams with ideas and faint memories of what it was like to worry only about me. The work clothes of wife and mommy will be left behind, folded in a corner, releasing a quiet sigh as they settle.

13 days. 13 days I will go to sleep without kissing my angels goodnight, tucking their warm bodies into the folds of their blankets. 13 days I will go to sleep without kissing my soulmate goodnight, then snuggling up close to his chest, breathing in his love. My heart aches at the time stamp, and I wonder if I will be able to leave this behind.

But deep inside I feel the seed of adventure begin to sprout. It is an old feeling, and it catches me off-guard. This seedling knows me only by my God-given name: Sherri-Dawn. This seed was planted by the Almighty Gardener over three decades ago. It has been awhile since I've tended to this life-force. Its sweet fragrance reminds me of simpler times, when there was only me. Days were filled with love-to's and get-to's, rather than must-do's and should-do's. Questions didn't centre around why? But rather, why not? Life was lived for the day and everyday was another adventure. And my self is tingling with anticipation for this next adventure.

I am reminded that while I cherish my God-given gifts of my husband and children, I have too often neglected my God-given gift of self. With a 10 hour time difference, this new adventure allows me to focus on my relationship with God. To experience His love, adventure and sense of wonder in a package that is only meant for me.

I need to believe that God's timing is perfect. There are many dark shadows that haunt my heart, and some nights the worries nearly suffocate me. Many times I thought about canceling this trip, scolding myself for even considering a recreational trip when there is so much turmoil.

So I have prayed, and cried, and prayed. I place my trust in God that He will not waver. That He
is not limited by timezones, oceans and heavy hearts.

I am reminded of Jesus' words: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27).

These words are like sweet sunshine, to which I will take to the skies and follow.