Fingerprints on my sword

The pitted metal sword hangs heavily by my side. My once-broad shoulders are heaved forward, betraying any sense of strength. Thunder clamours in the distance, producing echos that form the primal base tones of fear, hatred and abandonment.

The sky is charcoal black, allowing the shadows to skulk freely as the territorial lines have been blurred in the absence of the Son. The battle against the enemy is in the darkest hour. Much has been lost and there is little room for hope. The stench of defeat hangs in the still air.

A tiny gleam of the setting sun flashes off my sword. My eyes wearily track the light as it descends into the darkness. The hissing follows, each syllable latching onto my ear, permeating my consciousness. "You should have done more....you should have seen this coming....you could have prevented this....where is your Saviour now?" My deep-seeded sorrow heaps itself around these words, forming toxic weeds that threaten to smother all that is left of hope. My head bows, my knees buckle and my heart bleeds.

A single tear makes its way down the familiar crease of my frown - and with it, my last prayer for strength. My words, barely audible as they slip through my parched lips "Lord, I am too weary to fight. I have lost the battle - there is nothing left I can do." I moan in defeat.

The night is long, the path is overgrown and the enemy has broken through my defenses. I cannot possibly win this battle by myself.

"You are correct..." The whisper stirs my soul. I listen with all that remains of my strength, "you cannot do this alone." My eyes close to search for the voice - I know that voice. "You have been using the wrong sword. Your earthly sword cannot penetrate the powers of the dark world nor reach the spiritual forces of evil the heavenly realms. You will suffer defeat if you are not strong in Me and in My mighty power."

"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take a stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying." (Ephesians 6: 10-18).

And so I pray. I pray that God will suit me up in His armour. I pray He will form an army of prayer warriors to stand by my side in battle. I pray for the man who is lost. I pray for the children of casualty. I pray for Him to hold my hand. I pray for Him to heal my wounds. But most of all, I pray that I hear Him.

And so I listen and watch.

And even in the throws of battle, I cling to His voice and I see His fingerprints on my sword. I am not alone.

Here is the armour God presented to me this past week:
489. The word grace. I've heard him whisper this word to me often over the past week. Numerous songs infused with grace, dishtowels handmade by my Grams with the word grace embroidered on it, dreams of grace, mentions of grace, melodies in my head...
490. Prayer warriors by my side: dear friends, Pastor and wife, parents, siblings, cousins and even strangers who have now become my lifeline.
491. Baked goods and meals prepared with love and prayers.
492. Clinging to my bible as I sleep at night.
493. Artistry of my littlest bro.
494. Worship songs.
495. Letters of encouragement.
496. Phone calls of support.
497. Kleenex.
498. Childcare for my children.
499. Opportunity for a work contract.
500. Hearing my children sing my favourite song: "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there is nothing my God cannot do - for YOU!"
501. One day at a time.
502. Birthday wishes from loved ones, especially my son telling me "I am his prettiest birthday girl, ever."
503. Strong embraces.

For these I am thankful.

(Picture credit: drawn exclusively for me by my littlest bro, Matt. LOVE HIM)