falling down

I love fall. The comfort of it. The smell of it. But most of all I love the permissions this season brings.


I am permitted to slow down.  Let go. Retreat. Snuggle. Take comfort. Look inward. Reflect.


Autumn always speaks to my soul. And I want to take the time to listen to what my soul is saying.


There have been a lot of changes in my life since last fall. I have begun to find myself, through my own journey and through circumstances that have consumed me.

I have also journeyed on a ribbon of a thing called grace, and lived through with beyond my wildest expectations hopes that God could work a miracle in my own heart and that of the one I love to bring two lost hearts back together again.


I honestly did not think it was possible to laugh again. I had forgotten what it felt like to smile and know that everything was alright.  I forgot what it was like to trust - in others, myself and in God. And yet, through it all, there was always a glimmer of hope.


My husband and I have made it a fall ritual to watch Lord of the Rings. One scene in particular has always captivated my thoughts, and the dialogue has been running through my heart and mind over the past year:

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam. 

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end.  

Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come.

And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why.

But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. 

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam? 

Sam:  That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

I too, had lots of chances to turn back. There were many times when I wanted to shut everything and everyone out and allow the enemy to turn my heart into an unfeeling piece of stone. But somehow I found the strength to hold onto a small corner of my heart. This one last piece of flesh fought to survive in my world of cold stone and shadows. A beating reminder there is still hope to feel, move forward, and grow. Somewhere, somehow, I knew there had to be hope for a hopeless situation.


And God delivered.


God's love has, and will always be, the one thing that is absolute. Through Him, I am a living testament that He is constant and there will always be a new day. I have made it through the long shadow, and by God's grace, I am stronger in the knowledge that my heart is worth fighting for. 


And so is yours, dear friend.