It creeps along the fringes of black and white, insidiously nesting in the grey areas, feeding its toxins into my heart. Everyday situations become tainted towards my own ism's of I, Self and Me. My soul's lens becomes muddied and instead of asking God to clear away the heavy, dark film - I fumble around blindly, becoming more and more frustrated.
When you've lost your vision, it becomes too easy to listen to the loudest voice. Familiar whispers of insecurity, and her ugly sisters anxiety and fear, gain volume while speaking deliberate hurts into my heart. Their voices echo in the dark caverns - places that I thought were sealed and forgotten.
I hunch over angry.
And yet, and always, there is His grace. He knows me so very well. I realize it's been awhile since I've looked for Him.
Gratitude, my friends, is my lifeline. It may seem insignificant, but I have noticed my slips and slides have carried far too much power over the past two weeks. I didn't have time to write out my gratitude list last Monday, and I have felt the difference.
I have to be intentional with my thanks. I have to be intentional in seeing God in my life everyday. I have to intentional with my vision - to fixate my gaze on Him.
Then life becomes clear, my ism's melt away and there are no more shadows.
I bask in His light...
886. Celebrating Grandpa on his 91st birthday with delicious food and lots of laughter.
888. Daughter's first day of preschool.
890. Beginning a new bible study.
891. Visiting with my sister.
892. Homemade biscuits.
893. Husband and son building our garden container for next summer's harvest.
895. Puppet shows acted out by my kids.
896. Prayer.
897. Catching up with a good friend.
898. Flowers from my mama.
899. Opportunities for more income.
900. Duvet covers on a cool autumn evening.
901. Plans for a date night and kids' sleepover at grandparent's house (Thank you, Wanda!)
902. Dance class for me.
....continuing on with my 1000 gifts of thanks
Love your list! I am just amazed at all the good things that God gives us
ReplyDeletedance class for you?
ReplyDeleteDelighted to meet you. I'm Sara Dawn ...
ReplyDeleteCounting along with you ... As always a joy to splash in thankfulness all around.
Splashin,
Sara
Hi friends :)
ReplyDeleteSara Dawn - do you go by both names? I do - great to "meet" you!
I love puppet shows put on my kids and watching my kids build things with their dad too. How lovely. Thanks for sharing your thankfulness...
ReplyDeleteHi Chelsey - thanks for stopping by! I see you are a Canadian girl too :)
ReplyDeleteI love how counting gifts makes us aware of God's presence :)
ReplyDeleteSherri-Dawn, I love how you write. It's honest and eloquent. You should check out/contribute to "Imperfect Prose" at: http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteIt's a wonderful community of writers like you who share their "imperfect prose" on Thursdays. Hope to see you there!
Thank you, Kim. I know God uses my writing as therapy for my soul - He is so good. I will check out that blog - sounds wonderful. Thank you so much for your supportive comments.
ReplyDeletesherri-dawn... i'm so glad to have 'met' you. what a beautiful, broken uttering... your writing is poetry and prayer. and i know this need to praise. and the dulling of the fringes... and the whisper of grace. how you capture it here. thank you. i hope you'll link up again, friend. e.
ReplyDeletethank you, emily. I especially related to your 'made to pray' post. Notice my fall family pictures on my last post? My vulnerable truths are there too - just hidden behind a well-timed smile. Thank you for your courage to share what's behind the pose...
ReplyDeleteI love love your header photo,
ReplyDeleteand ann, and emily... and hearts that are vulnerable and grateful.
nice to meet you